Professionalism

Any email exchange between me and the husband on a Monday morning.

EL: OMG, 4 people are fighting over whether you can hydroplane on ice or if it is just sliding. They are yelling at each other and calling each other dumb ass. Very professional...

BL: I mostly hydroplane on the love I have for my coworkers, but once I hydroplaned on delusions of grandeur.

EL: I am going to hydroplane my fist into their faces.

And as a MILF...

I am going to need to start taking lovers. Obviously, I am going to need to be discreet, so Craig's List is not going to work. This morning on the way to work I heard an add for Ashley Madison. I am going to sign up immediately! BL said I can use his account for now.

She's gone from suck to blow

The peanut butter nipple has become a penis. Now that is just awkward.

Peanut Butter Nipple

What kind of person does this to peanut butter???

La cucaracha, la cucaracha

The start of Loaf family Eurotrip was inauspicious. We arrived at the airport at 12:30 and it took 40 plus minutes to check our luggage. We then cruised (relatively speaking) through security and headed to our gate. We arrived at the gate with an hour to spare and settled in to await boarding. Well 2:30 rolls around and though our flight is scheduled to leave in 7 minutes our plane has not arrived. It seems our flight is still sitting on the runway in Philly. We are informed that the plane will be in the air momentarily and should arrive in B'more by 3:30. Then all hell breaks lose. The skies open up and we are told the "ramp" has been closed. The "ramp" we learn is airline lingo for the runway and that means that though are flight did leave Philly it is now stuck circling BWI. Finally around 4:30 the skies clear and the plane lands. Our connecting flight from Philly does not leave until 6:30, so we still have time. Then we find out the "ramp" in Philly is shut down and will not open for at least an hour. At this point, we are being told to call customer service and get our flights rescheduled. I am not even going to try to explain the chaos at the ticket counter as 4 flights are cancelled and 4 flights of angry would-be passengers start an uprising. Luckily, we were able to get an extremely helpful customer service agent on the phone and are rebooked on the same flight out of Philly tomorrow evening. So we tell them to pull our luggage off the plane and head home in defeat. The good news is I get to sleep in my own bed tonight and tomorrow we will DRIVE to Philly and head for Europe. The bad news is when I opened my carry-on to get my purse a huge roach crawled out. Oh yeah, one monster roach had snuck in my bag. I am going to shower now because I think I have been contaminated.

La cucaracha, la cucaracha
Ya no puede caminar
Porque no tiene, porque le falta
Marijuana que fumar.

Ya la murio la cucaracha
Ya la lleven a enterrar
Entre cuatro zopilotes
Y un raton de sacristan.


PS - hopefully when most of you read this I will be on a flight to Europe otherwise I may be in Philly and in need of bail because I might lose it if we miss our flight again.

Aerial application

Minerva has suddenly lost her fear of BL and has taken to spending time in his lap. This of course, annoys the crap out of me because she is my cat and is suppose to only have contempt for others. When BL works from home, he and Minerva have a new morning routine. Minerva will jump into his lap and let him pet her, while BL checks his emails and has his morning coffee. This is amazing for a couple of reasons; 1.) Minerva use to fear BL and 2.) BL sits on a bar stool at the kitchen island and that is a pretty high jump for Minerva, who is not very agile or graceful. This routine would be bad enough, but now Minerva is even snuggling with BL while we watch TV. The other night BL was on the couch watching TV and I was curled up in the chair reading. Usually my being in the chair reading is enough to entice Minerva to come sit with me. She is very jealous of the time I spend with books, so much so that she will usually try to sit on the book, so I won't be distracted from my main job of petting her. This evening though, BL patted the couch and called for Minerva and she jumped up onto the couch with him and being a the slutty cat that she is, she even started to purr. I, being a mature adult, pouted and called the cat mean names before returning my attention to my book. About 30 minutes later, Minerva decided that she was done with BL and would come snuggle with me. But here is the best part, as she left left BL's lap she crop dusted him with one of her special warm bologna farts. Now I see that Minerva was only luring BL into complacently before she enacted her revenge. I have trained her well.

My own Captain CAAAAAAAVEMEEEEEEENNNN!

Here is an email exchange from the two neanderthals I have as roommates (Yes, I just downgraded my husband to a roommate).






R sends:
On CNN news, right before they went to commercial:

"You're about to meet a woman with a good idea"

It sounded funnier than the quote, like the mere fact a woman has an idea is a news story.

BL responds:
That's awesome! And very rare.

2 bananas, 1 peel

I know you can get twins in eggs (double yolks), but has anyone else seen a twin banana??? We picked up a bunch of bananas the other night at Costco. The bunch was in a bag, so I could not thoroughly exam them for bruises, but the price was right, so I took a chance and bought a bunch. When I got home I was super excited to find that the bunch was in good condition and just needed to ripen. I went to hang the bunch on the banana hanger thingy and that’s when I noticed the twin. Very strange, but it was darn tasty in my oatmeal.

<

Living the Dream

EL: We get to wear jeans Friday if we make $5 donation to the food bank.

BL: K, but that's $5 out of your pocket. I have to pay my own coffee club so
you can donate food on your own ;p

EL: I am thinking I am going to donate more than $5. Don't worry I will pay
for it out of my own money. I know starving people are not as important
as you being able to drink pond scum office coffee.

BL: You know... you get me... you really do. I like that about you.

Staying Classy in the Hill Part 2

I think we have out done ourselves with these euphemisms.



Releasing a hostage

Growing a tail



If you don't understand then check out this posting.

Please pass me a claritin

It has been raining almost all week and I really would like to see the sun. I swear I am starting to mold. Being that I am allergic to mold, I am currently allergic to myself. Thinking about that, I wonder what kind of mold I am growing. According to my Medicalert I am allergic to penicillin, so if I licked my arm, would I swell, go into shock, and die?

I really am a blonde

EL: Wow, I forgot about Geckos, we need to go there. They have the best chips and salsa.

R: Where is Geckos?

EL: On Fleet, by Patterson Park.

R: Is it new?

EL: No, I know you have seen it; it has an iguana on the sign

R: Might that iguana be a gecko?

Netflix Queue

Random: He's legit, he's from Baltimore, Do you watch the Wire?

R: No, I live it.

Marketing 101

EL: You went to Red Star, what did you eat?

R: The California Wrap, not sure if it was new, but it had hummus on it and was mad tasty.

BL: Hummus just better than dirt.

Staying Classy in the Hill

BL: Once I am done with school, I refuse to learn anything new for the next 5 years. Actually, I am going to unlearn things.

R: You can kill some brain cells and drop knowledge.

BL: Drop knowledge, sweet; is that like taking a dump?

R: Exactly, every time you poop you lose brain cells, so you are dropping knowledge.

Now we have another euphemism for defecation; dropping knowledge.

Usage Suggestions:

At the pool, I ingested so much water that I barely made it to the locker room to dropping knowledge.

I ate lunch at Chichillifridigans today and I dropped knowledge all afternoon.

Biggest Loser: Brewers Hill

The husband and I are treating ourselves to a little Thanksgiving getaway. It is becoming a bit of a tradition with us. We were married 2 years ago in St. Thomas and then we honeymooned Thanksgiving week in St. John. Last year, we splurged and went back to St. John Thanksgiving week to celebrate our first anniversary. The second anniversary is this Monday and once again to congratulate ourselves for staying married, we decided a vacation was in order. Unfortunately, the Virgin Islands were a bit too pricey this year, so we settled for a trip to Riviera Maya, also known as the Mayan Riviera, in Mexico. Anyway, getting back to the point of this post, the husband challenged me to a weight lose competition. We have done this type of competition in the past to help keep us motivated with our work-outs and eating healthy. The deal is we both had 5 weeks to drop 5 pounds. If you reach your goal of 5 pounds then you win X amount of money, if we both lose the 5 pounds it is a wash. There was also a cash bonus for the person who loses the most weight. I accepted the challenge and booked myself 5 sessions with the personal trainer at my gym. The husband retaliated by turning our treadmill into a workstation, so when he works from home he can walk instead of sitting on the couch.




There is still one more week left in the challenge and I am currently down 5 pounds and the husband is down 4.5. Looks like we are both going to be winners and look dead sexy on the beach.

Cat Food

This morning I grabbed some Larabars and threw them in my bag. I then proceeded to pack the rest of my lunch, when I heard some strange noises coming from the direction of my bag. Upon further inspection I found Miss Minerva Jones had pulled one of the lemon bars from my bag and was attempting to chew through the wrapper. Minerva is a notorious food thief, but it always cracks me up to catch her in the act.

2 Legit 2 Quit

I am officially a REAL runner. Why am I legit?

1. I ran 4 miles with no socks, resulting in many blisters on my feet.
2. I got my first “"Run Forest, Run!"”

It feels good to be legit. I celebrated my buying myself some slutty black heels. Just need these blisters to clear, so I can wear them.

Highlandtown, Baltimore

While watching the Ravens game:

R: What the? The Ravens have a trained Raven at their games?

B: Do you think it is a War Raven, like your War Eagle?

EL: Don’t even compare that stinky raven to Auburn’s eagle, there is no comparison. That probably isn’t even a raven, it might be a crow or more likely a pigeon dyed black.

R: It’s a Highlandtown Raven!

To give you a little background on Highlandtown, click the title of this post. All you really need to know is the greatest creation to come out of Highlandtown (in my opinion) is the Highlandtown Corona, just add a lime to a PBR.

Random weeknight

Overheard the other night at 3 am:

Neighbor 1 to Neighbor 2: I am going to fucking kill you bitch.
(Then there was a lot of yelling and a cop arrived on the scene)

Cop: Is there a problem here?
Neighbor 1: No problem officer, we are just neighbors hanging out, no problems.

I laughed as I heard this sudden change in events. Not so tough once the cops show up, are you?